Bob’s Beads
My experience as a child with religion was awful. My dad, a deacon in the catholic church, was extremely religious. He attended church daily. The family would go to 5:30 mass on Saturday afternoons. Mass was followed by Dad’s white glove inspection of our house cleaning chores that day. The penalty for a poor cleaning job in those days was either a vigorous spanking from the giant hands of this six foot four inch man or the leather belt which held up his Sunday best. I’m not sure which was worse. As an adult, I ran from the catholic church as fast as I could. To say the least, my idea of God and religion was perversely distorted.
Then I met Bob. A beautiful, kind, 91 year old Mary Knoll priest.
I had driven my friend Sister Kathleen from Mary Knoll in Ossining, NY and her brother Father Bob to their family home in Pennsylvania. My dear friend and AA sponsee Molly accompanied me on the trip. It was a lovely ride up with lovely people. Johnny, their brother, spoiled us with a gourmet lunch at the country club. We grocery shopped, laughed, and walked along the beautiful hills of the tranquil landscape. We watched the sun set and all slept like babies. It was a perfect day.
Sunday, Bob wanted to say mass and invited me to join. Begrudgingly I agreed. I could feel my own resistant and resentful energy oozing from my being. I was powerless to hide it. Ugg, catholic mass. Flashbacks of my mom pinching me to get me to sit still (like how does that work?) and the anxiety of wondering if I cleaned well enough, intensified as each minute passed. I could taste the fear – it was palpable. Anger and deep sadness filled my heart. Just the same, I sat down at his dining room table and did the best I could.
When it came time to receive the eucharist, I looked at Bob.
“Bob”, I said. “I haven’t been to a catholic mass in 20 years. I’m not having you hear my confession (I don’t believe in that) and I can’t receive the eucharist.” I shrugged my shoulders in a ‘oh well’ kind of way and said “Those are the rules Bob” (oooffffff).
Bob, being Bob, paused. After a few moments he gently said, “by receiving this eucharist all sins are forgiven” which did not comfort me much for I already believed my sins were forgiven. Regardless, I received the eucharist and endured the remainder of the service.
Later that day as I was packing the car, Molly came outside to see if I needed help. She was kind of glowing so I asked her what was up. “Bob just gave me a blessing” she said. “I want a blessing” I replied. I rushed off into the house to get one.
I approached Bob and asked for a blessing. In the doorway between the kitchen and dining room where Bob said mass, he gently placed his hand on my head.
“Heavenly Father, please remove the anger in Brenda’s heart.”
I immediately began to weep. He saw it, he saw it all. Despite my best efforts to hide it, he saw it.
I explained my childhood experience with catholicism, the church, God, and my father’s poor depiction of it all. I explained the pain those experiences had caused me and their lingering effects.
Bob was kind, gentle, and loving. He said “I know what will help. Do you know the rosary?” ‘Uggg’ I thought. “Yes” I replied. Bob inquired “Do you have rosary beads?” I actually considered lying in that moment. I didn’t have any. I didn’t want any either. I answered honestly. “No Bob, I don’t.”
“One second” he said. He left the room. A minute or so later he returned. As he approached, I could see a small black pouch in his hand with a gold cross embossed on it. I knew instantly, instantly, what he was about to do. My eyes filled with tears. The walls came down, my heart opened wide. I wept through these words below as he gently pulled the beads from the pouch…
“My aunt bought these beads for me in the Holy Land in 1950, before I was ordained. They are very special, I have prayed with them EVERY DAY since I got them. They have been with me for over 75 years.”
“I want you to have them.”
“Pray the rosary and let the miracles happen”
He placed the beads in my hands. “They are made of olive seeds.” he said. I looked at them through my blurry tear filled eyes. I turned the crucifix around and his name was engraved on the back.
I had just met this man 24 hours earlier. 24 hours. He didn’t know me, yet he SAW me, he didn’t KNOW me, yet he loved me.
This was a life changing experience of unconditional love from another human being unlike ANYTHING I’d ever experienced. It opened my heart in ways I didn’t think were possible and continues to today.
I will never forget it. Shortly thereafter Bob became my spiritual advisor.
The Spirit of the Universe sent me a Catholic priest to be my spiritual advisor.
At some point I asked Bob
“Why did you give me your beads that day Bob?”
and he said…:
“Because God told me to.”
Coincidence? I think not
-Brenda H
